Monday, September 28, 2009

Damn You T.V.!!!!

When I posted my last blog saying good-bye to my television I never would have guessed that it would become the topic of a second even more pathetic blog....Yet here I am!

There has only been one time in the past that I lived without cable television. Many, many moons ago when I lived out on the river, I didn't have cable. The reason for this was two-fold. 1) I could not really afford another bill, and 2) I was like, a totally anti-television hippy, yo. I think the no television stint only lasted about four months before I finally broke down and got cable. (Obviously not a very good, like, total, anti-television hippy, yo.)
Now this time I have only taken the T.V. out of my bedroom, it is not like I have cancelled the cable completely (cause the kids would kill me). But I have been feeling such a pathetic longing for the freakin T.V. it is making me crazy!

The thing is I don't even watch that much T.V. I don't know the story lines of any popular shows. I have never seen Desperate Housewives, or Dancing with the Stars, or whatever is raking in the rating right now. I just like to have the Tube on in the background. I like the noise of it. I like to have the little flashing lights in the darkness of my bedroom as I am falling asleep. I understand that having that constant flash and noise is actually not really good for the brain and sleep. I understand that the television is a total distraction. Helping me avoid dealing with my issues, or work.

So, what is the point?

Television has become a drug for me that takes my attention away from the crap that I don't want to look at. Sometimes for only half an hour, sometimes an hour and sometimes all darn day. It is like any other drug when abused. People become addicted to the drink, marijuana, coke, meth, whatever, because it helps them to dull the pain, and avoid dealing with reality. I think that T.V. does the same thing for me. I can get hooked into the lives and drama of the people in the glowing box, allowing me to not feel my feelings, or look at my shadows....instead I can just look and theirs, which is so much easier after all.

This last year has been a year of tremendous growth for me, spiritually speaking. I am stretching in ways that I have always wanted to, but didn't think possible. It is so exciting and so scary. I have worked myself into a place of spiritual rawness. Sometimes it feels amazing to be able to breathe without my home made cloak of B.S. wrapped around me, but other times it is incredibly painful to take a breathe through the rawness of it.

Right now I am on a plateau, looking back at the vast expanse that I have crossed to get here. It is good, but I am exhausted. Instead of taking this time to reflect, celebrate, process what has brought me to this place, I am hiding in the story lines of Roseanne reruns.
I never thought that taking the T.V. out of my bedroom would reveal this hidden trove of personal crap, but the Gods work in mysterious ways.

Hello, my name is Red and I have a T.V. addiction.

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