Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Meaning of Mabon

We are coming close to the next of Pagan holidays...Mabon. This has got me thinking, what exactly is Mabon? In my personal practice Mabon sort of gets left by the wayside in my thinking and planning. Samhain, Beltane, Yule, Imbolc, Ostara, Lammas....these are all big days for me with traditions that I enjoy following....but Mabon? Sheesh I am starting to feel a little bit guilty.

When I studied on a Druid path I learned that Mabon is the son of Modron. Modron being the ultimate Mother, making Mabon the ultimate shining Son, but what does that have to do with the Autumnal Equinox? Interesting that the first harvest is named after the Celtic god Lugh and the second harvest is named after the Celtic god Mabon.....Hmm. Look like there is something for me to look into here.

In elementary school I learned that the Autumnal Equinox is one of two days where the light and darkness are completely even. A day of perfect balance? Sounds pretty good, right? But it is also the start of shorter days ahead and longer nights of winter.

My later Pagan learnings brought me the knowledge that Mabon is also the second harvest. Our ancestors were still working away in the fields, getting everything stock piled for winter. This was the time when they were hard at work mid-way through the harvesting. In my part of the world the grape harvest happens in September. The fields here are filled with people picking grapes and soon the crush will start. All in preparation for the coming winter.

Mabon also marks the point in the year when the heat of summer is winding down. The mornings and evenings are getting chillier but the heat is still strong in the middle of the day. As the year is waning so were the ancient gods and many traditions worship the aging gods at this time of the year.

So I have decided that this year I am going to make a big deal of Mabon and start a new tradition. I am going to have a Mabon feast. I will take some time to release what no longer serves, letting go of guilt or negativity and filling up with love and acceptance.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Kitchen Witch

I am a sensitive place of self reflection and a little bit of self abuse. Not intentionally self abusive, it just sort of happens that way sometimes. Of course no one really sets out to intentionally abuse themselves, or do they?....but I digress, I am getting off of point. The point is when I am in a place like this I tend to notice synchronicities more often. I have had a lot of 'signs' pop up, sort of gently smacking me to pay attention, or help me notice when I am wondering off of my path.

Today in-between getting myself a bowl of cereal, cleaning the kitchen, and working on an article I looked up to see my kitchen witch staring at me.

The women in my family have always had kitchen witches. Although none of my aunts or my grandmother consider themselves witches, they all have a a little witch somewhere in their kitchens. When I first moved out of my moms house she gave me a kitchen witch for my own place. She said that every woman needed a kitchen witch. So I have always had one.

I now have more than one kitchen witch, but the one that was giving me the stink eye today hangs right above my dining room table, where I am sitting to type this. She is really typical of a story book witch. She is wearing a pointy hat, has on a green dress, is old and wrinkled with a wart on her nose. She had grey hair sticking out of her hat and is riding a broom. The cool thing about her is she is wearing California.

The reason her staring me down stuck out is because I was thinking that I am just not doing enough. I am not crossing enough things off of my list. I am playing too many games of Solitaire and not writing enough. I am not planning enough, good enough, smart enough, worthy enough........"ENOUGH" my kitchen witch yelled at me with her beady eyes as I looked up from my own barrage of internal abuse.

This is what her look told me.....I can only do what I am doing. Beating myself up for all that I have not yet done isn't helping me and it isn't making it get done better, faster, or at all. I have to accept my limitations and just allow the flow to happen. After all it is not like I am sitting still, or hanging from the ceiling.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

What I Learned Today

I have spent many hours over the past few weeks helping to plan a baby shower. My hubs eldest daughter is pregnant and I am about to become a grandma at the ripe 'ol age of 31. Yes that's right.

Now, I am cool with being Grandma. I was cool with helping plan and execute the baby shower, but now that it is over I am totally exhausted not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. You see, I have three step-kids. The eldest is only six years younger than I am, but she is still a step-daughter. Their biological mom lives several thousand miles away, so I really felt like I had to step up and get things done for this shower, or it was never going to happen.

At first I was happy to do this because I like planning events like this, but I started to feel like it was all up to me and worse than that.....the kids mom was going to be coming. So I had to do all this work, all this planning, all of this spending...and she would get to be the proud happy grandma. The ex-wife would get all the glory.

Needless to say we have less than a friendly relationship. This goes on for many layers of levels, but suffice it to say I was dreading having to spend the day around her. I was dreading being around her. I was dreading having to take a back seat for all my hard work. I wanted to get out of the entire shower fiasco, but that became impossible.

Through all of this inner turmoil and strife I realized something amazing today. She is not just my husbands ex-wife. She is my step-kids mom. No matter what, we are going to have to deal with being around each other for these BIG moments in life. Today was just the first one. We get along just fine with that is the premise. When I stop being the 'new' wife and she stops being the 'ex'.

Today was ok. I was able to keep busy and feel proud that everyone was having a good time. I was able to let her be the proud grandma. There was more to my feelings than just what they seemed on the surface and I really did feel like I gave a bit of an offering today. I chose to do that, no 'glory' required.

Now that we have had this one big moment out of the way hopefully the next one will be easier.