I have spent many hours over the past few weeks helping to plan a baby shower. My hubs eldest daughter is pregnant and I am about to become a grandma at the ripe 'ol age of 31. Yes that's right.
Now, I am cool with being Grandma. I was cool with helping plan and execute the baby shower, but now that it is over I am totally exhausted not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. You see, I have three step-kids. The eldest is only six years younger than I am, but she is still a step-daughter. Their biological mom lives several thousand miles away, so I really felt like I had to step up and get things done for this shower, or it was never going to happen.
At first I was happy to do this because I like planning events like this, but I started to feel like it was all up to me and worse than that.....the kids mom was going to be coming. So I had to do all this work, all this planning, all of this spending...and she would get to be the proud happy grandma. The ex-wife would get all the glory.
Needless to say we have less than a friendly relationship. This goes on for many layers of levels, but suffice it to say I was dreading having to spend the day around her. I was dreading being around her. I was dreading having to take a back seat for all my hard work. I wanted to get out of the entire shower fiasco, but that became impossible.
Through all of this inner turmoil and strife I realized something amazing today. She is not just my husbands ex-wife. She is my step-kids mom. No matter what, we are going to have to deal with being around each other for these BIG moments in life. Today was just the first one. We get along just fine with that is the premise. When I stop being the 'new' wife and she stops being the 'ex'.
Today was ok. I was able to keep busy and feel proud that everyone was having a good time. I was able to let her be the proud grandma. There was more to my feelings than just what they seemed on the surface and I really did feel like I gave a bit of an offering today. I chose to do that, no 'glory' required.
Now that we have had this one big moment out of the way hopefully the next one will be easier.