Holy Crap it's 2010...almost

I cannot even believe how long it has been since I have written a post. I am shocked and appalled with myself. Well, not really. I have been busy with other things. Plus, it is that time of year where people forget their responsibilities and turn into a frothy, maniacal, consumer. All of that is about to end on Thursday night, or perhaps the following Monday, depending on if you have to drive kids to school.

I have always enjoyed New Year's Eve, even as a small child I appreciated the excuse to party. I loved seeing my parents and their friends get schnockered and sing and dance and let us kids do whatever the heck we wanted for a whole night. As I got older the pressure of really celebrating New Year's Eve started to rear its ugly head.

There is a lot of pressure in our society to party hardy on New Year's. If you are not having fun, you are missing out. If you are being mellow and watching Dick Clark on the davenport while sipping on ginger ale, you are not really enjoying the holiday spirit. Go Big, or go home. How American, no?

As a Pagan I have always looked at Samhain as my New Year's. That is when I set my goals for the coming year. That is when I re-assess where I am headed and really look at what I need to change. The actual "New Year" has really just been a great excuse to party.

But something happened this year. I was sick at Samhain (as you might have heard me whine about already....I am over it now....mostly). My Samhain celebration was not what I expected or planned and I ended up sort of missing the boat on what I needed to do for my annual goal setting. I felt that after the High Holiday I would hit the ground running, really putting my all into ALL the things that I want to accomplish.....but that didn't even remotely happen.

After Samhain I dragged my ass. I stalled. I found excuses to not work on my dreams. I got sidetracked by the allure of money (it is hard not to...). I let myself get caught up in what I "should" be doing and not in what I want to be doing. All of this lead to me freezing up and not moving at all. When I should have started to take my first steps I was frozen and overwhelmed still at the starting line.

So now I find myself staring down the barrel of 2010. A whole decade has passed in the blink of an eye. All of a sudden, all of the feelings I was expecting to be going through at Samhain I am going through now...All of the projects I expected to start in November I am starting at the end of December.

How very "typical" of me.....Better late than never. Although you still aren't going to hear me listing my 'Resolutions' anytime soon.

Is There Really Such a Thing as Balance?

Balance, balance, balance. I need to get my life into balance. I need to try to balance work and home. I need to balance my needs with the needs of everyone else in my life. I need to find my own balance with all I need to accomplish.

Is it just me, or does it seem like 'balance' has become some sort of crazy buzz word and has lost all meaning? I hear so often (many times from my own mouth) that balance is needed. As if balance is the secret to a happy life. And maybe it is, but is it really possible?

When I think of balance I think of riding a bike, or walking on a balance beam. They say (whomever they are) that once you learn how to ride a bike you can always ride a bike. It has been my experience that this is true, but learning to ride a bike does take a certain amount of balance. You have to learn to hold your body in the middle, not leaning to far to the left or the right, or else you splat onto the pavement, no fun.

The same is true for a balance beam, but there is one more trick with the beam. Not only do you have to find that middle point not putting too much of your weight to the left or the right, but you cannot look down. (Booyah, for my two weeks of gymnastics classes when I was 8.) On the balance beam you are supposed to look at a point ahead of you and not at the ground or to your sides.

What's your point Red? Well it is this.....I find myself trying so hard to stay in balance or find my balance that I am so totally not in balance. I am sure that if this is a problem for me it has got to be a problem for someone else right? I am so busy leaning to the left and over correcting to the right, which forces me to lean to to the left again that I have taken my eye off of the goal. I am so caught up on trying not to fall over that I am not really getting anywhere, just swerving dangerously around on the road. If I don't fall over on my own a truck will probably hit me, either way, no thanks.

I need to stop putting so much energy on trying to find the balance and more on getting to the goal, a sort of combo between the bike and the beam. I need to focus on the end point, pushing one petal down after another. Keeping the flow and rhythm of the bike moving forward towards my end target. I think the balance will happen naturally once I am moving forward.

At least that is what happens when I am on my bike.