The Wedding at Pantheacon

Since I have nothing to add to the gender debate that hasn't already been said, I am going to talk about something else that happened at Pantheacon.  In fact, this is probably something that most people don't even know about.


You see....Saturday night while I was busy shaking my buns at the drum circle, there was a wedding reception happening downstairs at Club Max.  The (very young) happy couple were having fun and getting extremely intoxicated; as were their wedding party.  There were several young men randomly wondering around the Pantheacon scheduled events.

One of these men was waiting in line right behind me at the 9 o'clock time slot.  He was asking other P-con goers how he could "get into this party".  He was going down the line soliciting hugs and stumbling around from room to room.  An hour later he was upstairs and eventually he was escorted out by hotel security.  (Not quick enough in my mind...but whatever.)

I figured this would be my only encounter with the strangest wedding party ever, but noooooo, I was treated to much more.

As my group of friends and I were leaving the drum circle the inebriated Bride and Groom (plus several members of their bridal party) were leaving Club Max.  The Groom stopped us in the lobby.  He was very concerned for our well-being, almost to the point of anger.

He wanted to let us know that Jesus loved us.  He started to get insistent, as if it was his mission in life to convert us heathens and show us the path to God.  I am not a fan of confrontation, so I kept on walking, but the Groom started to corner the people in my group and he started to get a little 'handsy'.  As his insistence increased, his beautiful new wife started to loudly ask us drunken questions like, "are you all fags?"  (Nothing prettier than a beautiful young woman in a gorgeous white dress yelling "fag" across the lobby of a hotel.)

I was nervous and more than a little worried that these messy drunks might escalate things to an ugly place.  I wanted to keep moving and get away from them, but they weren't making that easy.  Finally my partner said, "I know Jesus loves me and I love Jesus too".

The energy shifted.  The Groom was relieved and wanted to hug us.  Suddenly we were part of his brotherhood again.  We were acceptable and everything he thought about us a few minutes earlier was out the window.

Sometimes I forget that other people aren't as lucky as I am with being out of the broom closet.  I live in a place where people are mostly accepting and open minded.  I never expected to run into something like that at Pantheacon of all places.  It was so late at night that I felt vulnerable.  My group of five friends were up against an inebriated group of six or seven.  It easily could have been ugly.  And yet, the power of Jesus shifted everything.

Even thinking about this now, several days later, I am struck by how sad, scared, and angry the whole situation made me.  I was really mad when we got back to our hotel room.  I almost wished that I had picked a fight.  They were so ready to come at us with anger and righteousness when we were the "wrong ones", but when they learned we were on the same side, suddenly it was all okay?  Uh, no, I don't think so.

Now that I think about it, there are actually a lot of parallels between this situation and the gender debates.

Lucky for me I had a chance, later in the weekend, to let go of what they said and my anger towards them.  I wish the couple all the best in their new marriage.  I hope they have a long and happy life together and that they truly use the teaching of Jesus as their guide.

The Rite of Lilith and Transgendered Pagans

I know that I am probably a little late with this, but I felt compelled to put my two cents in on this issue. The internets have been a buzz with an event that took place at Pantheacon with the Rite of Lilith ritual and how transwomen were not allowed to participate in the event.

Although I want to put my two cents in, I have to admit that I'm not really sure what my two cents are....

Unlike many of the people who have commented on this Pantheacon discrimination issue, I actually attended the ritual. As we all stood in the hallway before the Rite began a woman left saying that she would not participate because the ritual leaders would not allow transwomen to participate. I don't know if this woman was trans or not, in fact it doesn't matter. My point is, I had this information ahead of time, but I chose to stay. Part of me was upset about people being left out, but there was another part of me that understood the decision.

There is a part of me that feels there is a place for for gender specific rituals. There are times when it makes sense. This shouldn't be about exclusion of anyone, but the work with a specific type of energy.

This specific issue was brought to everyone's attention due to a miscommunication. I don't know if this miscommunication was due to CAYA Coven or the Pantheacon people, but it wasn't the only miscommunication of the weekend.

I was involved with a Pantheacon presentation with the Reclaiming Tradition. Our ritual was marked at 'restricted' in the program, but it wasn't a restricted ritual. And in the lead up to Pcon it was never marked as restricted in our paperwork. I know our presentation was not the only one to be improperly labeled. (It feels odd to use the world labeled in this post and yet, there it is.)

If the Rite of Lilith had been properly marked as a 'restricted' ritual, would this conversation even be happening? I don't think it would. But the reason this has come into the forefront is really no longer important. Here is why I think this whole thing is actually good for the Pagan community...

In the Reclaiming community we spend a lot of time talking about gender, sexuality, and identity. We work very hard to make sure that everyone, no matter how they might self identify, feels welcome and included. This isn't always easy work, but it is so important.

The conversation about trans-inclusivity has been happening in Reclaiming, but has it been happening with other groups? These are important conversations for us, as Pagans, to be having and I am glad that they are happening now, even if the catalyst for it has been uncomfortable.

I do believe that there should be space for women to do magickal work with only women and men to do magickal work with only men. I don't have the answers as to how this fits into the bigger picture and how this works with trans-gendered folks in our communities, but I am glad it is being talking about openly.

This is a big topic, it is hard to have a clear yes or no, black or white answer. In fact I don't think there is one. In fact there are many articles up on Patheos about duality without gender and the Sacred Third. This is exciting for me because it goes beyond this one event into something bigger. Now that the conversation has started it needs to keep on rolling. What we must do is keep open, clear, and honest communication.

My Pantheacon Thoughts

I am a witch that currently practices in the Reclaiming Tradition. This is not the only Pagan tradition that I have studied under, but it is where I am now. There are a lot of things that I love about Reclaiming, but there are also some things that make me feel a little crazy about Reclaiming.

In fact, Reclaiming was my first Witchy love. As a teenager in the Bay Area I had easy access to Reclaiming on a public level. This helped to shape me into the Pagan that I am. There weren't any other groups, at the time, doing what they were doing.

The more I get involved and immersed into the Reclaiming culture the more insular I start to feel. I am starting to learn the intricate connections, ties, and relationships that go back in my community, sometimes 30 years. This is beautiful, amazing, and frustrating.

Since I am so involved in my community I tend to forget that there are other Pagans and Witches out there. And many of these groups don't do anything remotely like what Reclaiming does. Pantheacon is the perfect place for me to get a much needed reality check. There are more styles of Paganism than I am even aware of. Pantheacon helps me to see some of the amazing styles of worship that are out there and appreciate my own home tradition.

At Pantheacon this year I had the pleasure to meet Jhenah Telyndru the founder and Morgen of the Sisterhood of Avalon. The SOA is an organization that I have cyber-stalked for years. I was also able to participate in a Rite to Lilith put on by the Amazon Priestess Tribe where I was reminded about the inherent power of women. And I was schooled by amazing Priestesses like Luisah Teish, Leilani Birely, Orion Foxwood, and of course Starhawk.

This was all topped off by a reminder of why I am part of the Reclaiming Tradition. This was done by my participation in a Reclaiming ritual at Pantheacon. I am really proud of the work my group did to prepare a ritual for the people of Pantheacon which represented Reclaiming. It was my first time being a presenter at the Con and I feel honored and humbled to have been a part of such an amazing listing of presenters and panel members.

Being back at home is hard. Although I am happy to sleep in my own bed and shower in my own shower, I long for the special connection I had with everyone I walked past at the Con. As a Pagan I see my connection to every person, Pagan or not, but there is something special about filling a hotel convention center with Pagans, Witches, Wizards, Asatru, Orishas, Celts, Stregans, Egyptians, and on and on and on.

So there are my Pantheacon thoughts, until next time, my heartfelt thanks.